"It Must Be a Phase They're Going Through"

We know you have uttered these words at some time if you have a middle school-aged son or daughter.  For many youngsters, this is the “make it or break it” time in their lives.  Our Middle School Handbook would not be complete without a few words in general about these preadolescent years.  Without getting too heavy, let’s look at some of the things your son or daughter needs to accomplish before leaving the middle school.  He or she needs to:

• Learn to get along with classmates.
• Learn an appropriate and comfortable gender identity.
• Continue to develop intellectual skills.
• Become a more independent individual.
• Assume a greater responsibility for his or her actions and behavior.
• Explore possible career choices and give thought to the question, what can I make the future hold for me?
• Identify personal values and understand their importance.

The family, the school, and the youngster’s friends will hopefully all help each student in his job of “getting his act together” and becoming a young adult.

Let’s look at the situation for a moment. Your pre-teenager is either on or ready to get on a big roller-coaster of change.  The three years of middle school will see great physical changes as each boy or girl runs smack dab into puberty and his or her body goes through some great physical changes.

At the same time, you’ll notice strong emotional feelings, new moods, new interests and new desires.  One day he or she is a child, the next day a responsible adult, the next day a child again.  Some days, these pre-teens like themselves; some days they are convinced that they’re awful and no one likes them and they don’t even like themselves.

Friends become all important and parents are sometimes pushed away.  As an adult, you will be expected to accept this “new’ person.  At the same time, you must remain the stable core of the family and you must not be too nosey or pushy.  You must accept all kinds of complaints when you inevitably fail to be the perfect mother and father.  Quite often, your son or daughter will turn to friends (usually by email or instant messenger) for the support and understanding  which you gave previously.  The old personality of the child dissolves and a new and more unique adult-like personality begins to emerge.  This is a time of natural conflict between parent and child.  Compromise becomes the key to keeping the lines of love open. Things do get better.  You may find your child becoming more understanding and tolerant.  Interest in the opposite sex may answer some of the battles over personal hygiene and grooming.  Success breeds success and preteens are quite apt to work a little harder or cooperate a little more if they can see the benefits of doing so.